Often when I meet with someone experiencing PTSD symptoms or betrayal trauma, one of the first questions they ask is “What do I do? How do I feel better and get my trauma to heal?” I can hear the desperation in their voices, every day feels so hard to survive under the weight of it all. Many will describe feeling like they are drowning and cannot keep their head above water with all they are trying to balance while feeling the despair that comes with the trauma response. The answer I have is to “go back to the basics and practice self-care”.
That’s too easy, right? It can’t possibly be that simple. And yet, it is. But before I tell you why, let’s get into what I mean by self-care. Many people think of self-care as a luxury, it's taught to us through media and sales advertising to be about spa days and bubble baths and shopping. Those are some forms of self-care for some people. That’s not what I actually mean. What I mean is to do the literal act of caring for yourself, for your body and its needs.
When we are in a trauma response (fight, flight, or freeze) our brain goes through a series of changes. The brain changes respiration, digestion and blood flow among many other changes in response to the perceived or real threat. Part of caring for yourself in the midst of trauma symptoms is to regulate your body back to a sense of calm and peace. That can be through managing a real threat and finding safety, or through helping the brain see the threat is not real and is a trigger to a past issue. By going back to the basics of self care and taking intentional care of yourself, you teach your brain to trust you which enhances a general internal sense of safety and security. This is the beginning stage you begin to heal trauma.
Basics of self-care:
Breathe. We all breathe all day every day, but how often do you pay attention to your breathing rhythms? One of the only ways we can actually manually influence our central nervous system is through breathing. Even if you don’t feel like you need to, practice intentional deep breathing at least once a day. Box breathing can be a great way to engage with intentional deep breathing.
Nutrition. We all know eating is important, and necessary. But it can feel so hard to follow healthy nutrition on the best of days, let alone in the midst of intense stress. Then the shame and guilt from our eating habits can pile on making it that much harder. You don’t have to carry that shame or guilt, and you don’t have to make eating a chore. Do the best you can with what you have. Aim for three meals a day, with one or two snacks. Try to avoid getting caught up in if what you are eating is the best option or not. Focus on intentionally creating time for what I like to call “er choices”. What does that mean? If you don’t have the time, energy, etc. for a healthy choice, just make a healthier choice. Have one slice of pizza instead of zero or three. Eat half the bag of chips instead of the full bag.
Sleep. Good sleep is paramount to how our bodies function on all levels. But it is also one of the areas of our functioning that gets impacted quickly by stress and trauma. Aim to go to bed and wake up around the same time every day. This helps the body keep a rhythm and engage in healthier sleep patterns. Additionally, if possible avoid screens for about an hour before bedtime. Engage in activities that help your brain to calm down and settle, such as a craft, reading, journaling, etc. Some people find that softening their lighting and choosing soft music can help their brain to slow and settle as well.
Movement. Notice I did not say exercise. Simply aim to move your body each day. Take some time to check in with your body and your needs. Are you feeling anxious, hyperactive, on edge, jittery? Then focus on some type of movement that slows and calms the body down such as yoga and stretching. If you are feeling numb, fatigued, depressed, etc. then focus on movement that wakes your body up and gets the blood pumping again such as a walk or run. The goal is not to hit a certain length of time or achieve a fitness level, it's simply to move your body and pay attention to how that feels and what it needs.
This list of practical basics of self care is enough to get a start. Caring for yourself and beginning to heal does not have to be overly complicated and difficult. It really does start this small and simple. We forget how important caring for our physical selves truly is in the depths of hard times in life, but it can make all the difference to how we heal and function.
Looking for some support and accountability as you work on your self-care? Not sure where to start or how to create a plan to better care for yourself? Schedule an appointment with one of our therapists to discuss this more.
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